Monday, March 31, 2008

Don't Touch Me...Not Even with a 10-Foot Pole

So, I'm wondering if there is a really cool craft you can make out of used Kleenex (or in this case, torn off toilet paper), because after today I'm gonna have a whole lot of 'em. Why you ask? Well, my husband apparently time traveled last weekend and whilst he was away he acquired Bubonic Plague. Fortunately, he was kind enough to bring it back with him to share with his friends, or at least his wife. Thus, I have TB-sounding lungs, gangrene-looking nose, and sporadic moments of fever (which doesn't look like anything, except maybe making my cheeks resemble the Coca-Cola Santa Claus).

However, tomorrow is the first day of a new month and that is the day we do our thanksgiving lists, which I think is really fun! So, tune back in. Hopefully the plague will be gone and that will be one thing on the list!

P.S. I recommend you NOT Google Image search "Bubonic Plague." It is NOT pretty.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Baby Class Numero Dos

Last night was baby class number 2. You may recall that baby class number 1 sent me into a bit of a tailspin. Thus, I was a little apprehensive about how I would respond to last night's adventure. You will be happy to know that I did just fine. I must admit I am still a little bit stressed about getting the breathing right. At one point, while teaching the breathing techniques, the teacher, Jennie, said, "You choose what works for you. There is no script. You are not getting a grade." I WANT THE GRADE! I WANT THE SCRIPT! I paid $175 for this, I want to leave knowing what hour on what day this little girl will make her arrival. I am starting to get the sense that I am gonna have to let that one go. Damn.

Despite still struggling with perfecting my breathing techniques, I was able to take in the other information and not freak out. I think that I was comforted by the fact that we started the class with a list. (Aaah, lists! How do I love you? Let me count the ways...) We discussed what we needed to bring to the hospital with us when the moment of truth is upon us. (She didn't say anything about Jack Daniels, but I'm pretty positive it just slipped her mind.) Which is a great conversation for me because it is so linear. I loved it and took some notes that I am quite sure others in the class were envious of.

You will be even more impressed with my change in composure when you know that I did it all by myself. Andy, sadly, was home with an ear infection and possible strep throat. The doctor said that if I was going to get his ailments the damage was already done, but that the other ladies hadn't had the privilege of hanging out with him and thus would be vulnerable to his germs. Thus, he was told to stay home. It was sad and disappointing, but, like I said, I took damn good notes so I could report back. The only thing that was lacking in my report was that I didn't have a model of the pelvis to use as a visual aid. Too bad about that.

Tomorrow is our 30-week checkup. Details will be forthcoming...

Sunday, March 23, 2008

I'm Thinkin' Positive

A week from tomorrow the head of staff at my church heads to Hawaii for two weeks. Our music director goes to Taiwan tomorrow for 10 days. Several of my good friends will be in Northern Ireland together next week. My dad and his wife are going to NYC for a week. Me, I'm living large in...MARYLAND! Woo Hoo! Don't be too jealous.

However, I have decided to take it on the chin and focus on what's positive in my life. Even though I am not the world traveler I would like to be (or once was), I am going to have a baby. And that may be even better than skipping more classes than I went to and drinking more beer than water in sunny Sydney, Australia, which was my life in the (U.S.) fall of 1998. At baby class on Wednesday we were asked to share what was bad about being pregnant and what was good about being pregnant. People shouted out lots of different things (mine were the best, as I am sure you assumed), some of which I agreed with, some of which I didn't. Anyway, the question inspired me to come up with my own list. And since it is Easter and I am working on not pouting about not going somewhere fun (or hell, just out of this area code!), I am going to share my top 10 things that are good about being pregnant, in no particular order. Drum roll, please.

1. Um, BABY!
2. I get to buy new clothes (easier with tops than bottoms, but that's okay).
3. I get to buy really cute baby stuff.
4. People give us presents.
5. Thirty minutes on the treadmill at a speed of 2.7 counts as exercise, as does jumping up and down in the swimming pool with a bunch of old ladies in my water aerobics class.
6. People bend over and pick things up for me.
7. Andy does more chores. Goodbye scrubbing the tub!
8. I have an automatic out. Someone I don't like wants to go lunch, suddenly I am so tired and my back is killing me. Maybe next time?
9. My parents come to visit.
10. I, with Andy, get to choose someone's name, which is really an cool thing to do!

So, those are the thoughts for today. Maybe if I start feeling crazy again, I'll come back and read my list and it will help me remember. You can help me too.

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Actons Head to Baby School

Wednesday evening Andy and I attended the first of our six baby classes, or more formally, our Childbirth and Newborn Care Class. I have been looking forward to these for a while. Information makes me feel more comfortable and thus less likely to freak out. (The likelihood that I will freak out to some degree is still pretty good, but perhaps the severity of the freak out will be lessened.) So, my theory was that 12-hours of information and training would be a good thing.

Well, a funny thing happened: the information completely overwhelmed me! We have a “textbook” that is guiding our class and it was just too dang much for me to take in at one time. The teacher was great and the tone of the class was completely relaxed, but I got home and was all in a tizzy (post-Law and Order, anyway). I recognize that pushing an 8-pound being through a hole that I am not yet convinced is designed for that is a big deal, but I am pretty sure that I was inappropriately freaked out. I’ve got knots in my stomach even as I write about it.

Additionally, at the end of the class we began practicing our relaxation techniques. There was some guided meditation, some breathing (which, as you know, is always a positive), some muscle tensing and relaxing, and other such activities. We were sent home with the instructions to practice in the days prior to our next class with the idea being that the more familiar we are with these techniques when actual labor occurs we will be able to call up the skills more easily. So, naturally, I am now freaking out about not being able to do the relaxation techniques correctly and thus, not having them in my arsenal when I need them. I mean, seriously, what kind of overly anxious person am I? I need to relax about my relaxation techniques! What the hell?!?!?

I also learned some anatomical stuff that explains some pain I have been having and, somehow, learning the cause has made it worse. When a woman is pregnant the hormones in her body cause all the joints to loosen so that all the necessary parts are as flexible and malleable as they need to be when the baby comes. This is particularly true of the pelvis and the pubic bone (pubis). Well, I have been having some pretty rockin’ pain in the pubic bone. I asked the teacher about it and she informed me that the bone can become so loose that the two pieces actually start to pull away from one another and the cartilage (or whatever that is) that connects the two halves. In short, my dear, sweet daughter’s exit location hurts…a lot.


In light of all this I guess there are two options. One, I can ignore the book and the practicing and hope that the doctors just cut me open and take her out. (Honestly, this option looks pretty good right now.) Or, I can take baby steps (ha! baby steps) and take things as they come, concentrating only on what we have covered in thus far in class. I guess this is the option I should go with.

Maybe I should make an appointment with the therapist too.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Breaking News Out of Albany, NY


The following account is entirely fictional, though not an altogether bad idea.
In light of recent developments in the governor's office, the powers that be in Albany have decided to take matters into their own hands. They have spent the past 72-hours searching for a replacement governor for the state of New York who they can be assured will not later do further damage to the honor of this position. Their search resulted in the naming of Sister Mary Katherine, a 87-year-old Catholic nun from Buffalo, as the state's new governor.


When asked about how she felt about this appointment, Sister Mary Katherine's most pertinent remark concerned her outfit for the inauguration. She told reporters that she is planning on wearing her favorite t-shirt over her traditional black habit. The t-shirt reads "Jesus is My (ONLY) Homeboy".


Here's hoping their are no skeletons (or priests) in Sister Mary Katherine's closet.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

An Unexpected Letter Arrives

My clever daughter-to-be has somehow figured out how to get a letter to me. I thought y'all might be interested to know what she is thinking, so I figured I'd share the letter.

Dear Mom,

I’m bored. Do I seriously have to stay in here 12 more weeks? There is NOTHING to do in this ridiculous place.

It’s too dark to read. Besides, I don’t know how.

There isn’t room for a DVD player. Besides, how would I get the Netflix out of the mailbox?

There’s nobody to play board games with. Besides, there isn’t room to jump up and down and gloat like you do when you beat daddy. And really, that’s half the fun.

I know you are thinking boredom is an affliction of the privileged and there are plenty of ways to entertain myself, but I promise I tried everything before sending this letter.

I tried dancing, but I kept kicking something. Don’t know what it was, but it sure was in the way.

I tried singing, but I kept getting a mouthful of something that is definitely not water.

I even tried learning how to count, but I didn’t know where to start.

So, mom, you can see that I’m not really a whiner; I really have tried to find ways to have fun. But I have failed. It is now up to you. So, I have some suggestions as to ways life might be more fun for me as we continue on our journey together.

First, I really dig the swimming pool. I like to bounce around with you while you are in the water. Go ahead and start making sure one of those is available for when I come home. In the mean time, stay in that pool!

Second, shopping is fun! There is a little bit of light that comes through your belly button and I can see what you are perusing. If you feel me kicking, that means I like it and you should totally buy it. If I’m still, walk away. (FYI: bad decision on that shirt from Target. Good thing you had daddy to tell you that you looked like an old lady in it.)

Third, eat ice cream! Everything trickles down to me, as you know. The apples and bananas are all right, but, man, that ice cream rocks! I really like it when it comes from Marble Slab or Cold Stone, but I have only experienced that, like, once. So, come on, mom, let’s go get some!

I think if you focus on these three activities I might be able to endure life in the doldrums for the next couple of months. Just make sure you don’t let me down. Remember: swimming, shopping, ice creaming!

Love, Your Daughter

Oh, yeah. One more thing: could you kindly ask Harper and Dylan to stop jumping on me? We might as well let them know now who’s in control of this relationship.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Guest Writers: Harper and Dylan

Harper and Dylan have recently become enamored by shoelaces. I'm not sure what brought on this new love affair, I only know it is real and it is true. Anyway, inspired by their newfound love, the kitties begged me to post this poem they wrote about shoelaces. So, without further ado...

Shoelaces
We love shoelaces!
They’re better then mama, even with her braces!

They are so fun to chase,
It’s almost like a race.

It makes daddy so mad,
Which secretly makes us glad.

The aglets (you know, the end of the shoelace) taste a little funny.
Oooh! I see a bunny!

Monday, March 10, 2008

A Sermon on Romans 8: 1-11

Romans 8:1-11

8There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. 3For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do: by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and to deal with sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4so that the just requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7For this reason the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law—indeed it cannot, 8and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 9But you are not in the flesh; you are in the Spirit, since the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10But if Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit that dwells in you.

When I was 4-years-old my dad befriended a man while jogging in our neighborhood. The man, Mr. Jim, turned out to be a Presbyterian minister and my dad’s and his friendship led us to start worshipping at the church where he was the minister. Mr. Jim retired eight years ago and still lives in that neighborhood where he met my family. Meanwhile, my parents and I all live in different states from one another and time and distance has changed many of our relationships. Yet, Mr. Jim has been a constant and my mom, dad, and I are fortunate to still be able to claim him as a friend. In addition to being a minister, Mr. Jim is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over the 25-years my family has known him, he has counseled all of us and helped us dramatically. He is a man we are blessed to have in our lives.

Though he had always been an active man-he played football for LSU while a student there and rode horses and motorcycles into his early 60s-his body began to betray him in recent years. Due to a condition in his spine, he was frequently unable to stand, much less walk. The condition worsened and surgery became the only solution. In October of last year he had surgery to relieve the pressure on his spine that was limiting his mobility and causing him great pain. By all accounts the surgery successfully relieved his spinal condition. There was only one problem: when he awoke from the surgery, he was blind.

Initially there was some hope that his vision would return and that the blindness would be only a temporary side effect of the anesthesia or the trauma of the surgery. Five months later there has been no improvement. It appears that Mr. Jim will live the rest of his life in darkness.

Can you imagine what that must feel like? Everything that was once assumed and taken for granted is gone. He will never see his granddaughter’s face again. He will never see another of his wife’s paintings. He will never see the view from outside the cabin he owned in Colorado. He can’t read. He can’t watch movies. He can’t read his e-mail. He can’t watch football. All of it gone.

Mr. Jim is having to re-learn everything and it is hard and it is exhausting and it is frightening. Simple things like learning to navigate his home, which he has lived in for over 30-years, have become great challenges. Changing his clothes. Going to the bathroom. Making a sandwich. Think about it-how would your life change if suddenly your vision was gone? Would not the daily routines of life sometimes feel as if they were insurmountable obstacles?

It seems, then, that as a resultMr. Jim had two options: give up or learn to see with new eyes. Admittedly, there have been days where he has wanted to give up. Days where he was so depressed that he couldn’t eat. But there have been other days, days when he has fought and refused to let the darkness take his life. There are small steps he takes, like being brave enough to eat out at a restaurant despite not being able to see his plate. And then there are major steps he takes, that are simply remarkable: After retirement, he took a call serving as a very part time minister for a tiny church. His main responsibility is to lead worship on Sunday mornings. Not too long ago, only a matter of weeks following his surgery, Mr. Jim headed back to that church and preached, and has been doing it every Sunday since then. If, while preaching, he forgets his next point, his wife prompts him from the manuscript she has written from his dictation. He has refused to allow his blindness to prevent him from following God’s call.

He is learning to see the world in a new way. The world is harder for him this way; there is no doubt about that. But it is the only world he has and the only life he has and Mr. Jim has decided to find his way through it, even if that means relying on new and different guides. He has decided to set his mind on living life in a new way. He has faced the choice of life or death head on and he chose life.

That is what Lent is about, I think. In the face of death, a death we know is coming, a death that can’t be avoided, do we choose to let death win or do we stand with our God and choose life. Or, as Paul puts in this morning’s Romans passage, do we choose life of the flesh or life of the Spirit?

It is important at this point to be clear about what Paul meant when he spoke of life in the flesh. Paul Tillich, one of the 20th century’s “outstanding and influential thinkers” in matters of theology and philosophy, puts it this way:

‘Human flesh’ does not mean human body. Man’s body, according to Paul, can become a temple of the Spirit. But ‘human flesh’ means the natural human inclinations, man’s desires, her needs, his way of thinking, the aim of her will, the character of his feelings, in so far as it is separated from the Spirit and is hostile to it. ‘Flesh’ is the distortion of human nature, the abuse of its creativity, the abuse, first of all, of its infinity, in the service of its unlimited desire and its unlimited will to power.

In short, life in the flesh is a life based on human desires with frequent disregard to God’s call to us, God’s call to open our eyes and see the new life in the Spirit.

Now of course it is easy to stand here and discredit life in the flesh and uplift life in the Spirit. But choosing to live a life led by the Holy Spirit, even knowing what that life is, is not easy. I think in some ways trying to discern God’s will is somewhat like a visit to the eye doctor. One of the first things I am asked to do when I get to the eye doctor is look at the Snellen chart, which is the chart with the big E at the top and then the rows of letters beneath that decrease in size. Seeing that big E is easy. Those little rows at the bottom are a lot tougher, at least for me. It seems to me that the biggies of Christianity are like the big E on the top of the chart. Don’t murder. Don’t steal. Rest on the Sabbath. No problem. Pretty cut and dry. Easy to understand, easy to follow. The little rows at the bottom of the Christianity chart are a little tougher. They are the rows that represent life in the Spirit. They are the rows that we have to squint to see, the ones that require work to figure out what they mean, how God would have us live.

Right now, Mr. Jim is living life in the little rows. Things are tough. Figuring out the right step is hard work. Similarly, we are living Lenten lives that require work—lives that require serious focus; lives that require the willingness to see anew; lives that require rededicating ourselves every moment. And just as we are given glasses to correct our vision deficiencies at the eye doctor, God gives us Christ to correct the vision deficiencies in our lives, enabling us to look to Christ and receive support as we grope through the darkness and the dimly lit path.

God gives us Christ to serve as our guide, our leader, our hope as we approach the foreign and sometimes murky waters of faithfully living in the Spirit. God gives us Christ to wake us up to our callings, to our true selves. As Richard J. Foster says,

Jesus is a living Savior and the salvation that is in him includes teaching us how to live and re-forming our very selves. Remember, we are not learning how to live Jesus’ life (that has already been done); we are learning how to live our lives as Jesus would live them, if he were us. Jesus is the master Teacher. He knows how our lives should be lived, and he can provide the resources, insights, and strength we need…

I think this is a brilliant and rarely made point. God is not calling us to be Jesus. God is calling us to be the individuals we are and in being those individuals to remember what Jesus has taught us and to seek the Spirit’s guidance to show us how to live our lives in this time and place.

In 1990 an amazing film, called Awakenings, was released. If you haven’t seen it, please go straight to Blockbuster after church. The movie is based on the work of Dr. Oliver Sacks, whose name in the film is changed to Dr. Sayer and is played by Robin Williams. Robert de Niro plays a man named Leonard, one of a group of people institutionalized because they have lived most of their lives in a catatonic state due to childhood encephalitis. Dr. Sayer treats Leonard with an experimental and controversial medicine and, amazingly, Leonard wakes up. Leonard, who fell into his catatonia in his teens during the late 1930s, is now an adult and decades have passed since he last interacted with the world. Leonard awakes and it is 1969. What a year to wake up in after missing the previous three decades! The world is a new and amazing place. Cars have changed. Music has changed. The way people dress, women especially, has changed. Leonard is enamored by all that he sees. He is able to break the binds of his catatonia and freely engage the world. Meanwhile, the other patients suffering from the same catatonia are experiencing their own awakenings through Sayer’s experimental drug. Suddenly there is dancing and laughing on the hospital ward. There is swimming and movie watching. These people, who slipped away through no fault of their own, are awake for the first time in years and they are drinking it all in with a previously unseen voracity.

Sadly, the experiment is only temporarily successful and the patients all eventually return to their catatonia. But the world is changed for their having been awake. People are given hope, and the impossible seems possible. Dr. Sayer in particular is able to see his life through the eyes of people who will never have his opportunities. He is able to live with gratitude, with bravery, with hope. His life has been awakened because his patients were awake, if only for a moment.

Friends, this is what living life in the Spirit can do for us. We can be awakened to a world that is God’s world, a world where there is no judgment, no doom, and ultimately no death. We can be awakened to a world where, while physical death is a necessity, there is no spiritual death. We are free to settle for a life that is not a life in the Spirit, a life ruled by our own wishes and desires—but why would we want to when something wonderful is there for the taking? Life in the Spirit is a life of wholeness, a life of confidence that our sins have been forgiven, and a life where we can awake each day as beloved children of God. Choosing to live in the Spirit requires hard work, for sure, and it requires our asking for forgiveness, many times over perhaps. And yet a life of freedom and grace is there waiting for us—all we have to do is open our eyes and look for it.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Dang!

I had a whole post written, my first non-funny one, and blogger had an error. Dang. That is frustrating isn't it? Maybe the computer was trying to tell me that if it isn't funny it isn't worth it...there's some truth to that.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Does This Baby Make My Butt Look Big?

If you know me, which I am pretty sure all of my many (5) devoted readers do, you know that I am pretty much a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl. Dressing up to me means shoes that don't have laces and maybe, maybe, mascara. If I'm in a skirt, someone is either getting buried or getting married. Point being: my clothes demands are pretty simple.

Having said that, I do like my clothes to, you know, fit. I figure if some poor El Salvadoran or Honduran slaved over my t-shirt for a whopping $1 a day there should be some quality involved. Well, they must give the maternity clothes to the beginners (you know, the 8-year-olds). I am quite serious when I tell you that if the situation doesn't soon improve I will soon move from being a jeans and t-shirt girl to a panties and t-shirt girl. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND PANTS THAT FIT AROUND MY BELLY...AND STAY UP? Yesterday I nearly had a breakdown when, in Target, I couldn't get the pants past my knees. Fortunately, a crisis was avoided when I noticed that someone had put size 4 jeans on a size, well, not 4 clothes hanger. (Seriously, should people who are old enough and responsible enough to have a baby wear size 4 clothes? I mean clearly there is a fundamental character flaw in anyone who could possibly fit into those pants!) The problem, I think, is that prior to getting pregnant I was between two sizes. This is no big deal when your pants come with belt loops. But when the only thing holding up the pants is a strange panel of stretchy material the size of Detriot, there are gonna be issues. I mean, the only other thing that I know that is that stretchy and that big (though with different dimensions) is a bungee cord...that certainly bodes well.

Sadly, this entry has no positive resolution (unless you are a sadist and find joy in the fact that I may soon be traversing the DC metro area with no pants on...at least I'll fit in). My only hope, dare I say it, might just be suspenders. Dear God, how did I get to this point? I'll be the pregnant Larry King or that Justin fella who cooked cajun food on Louisiana Public Broadcasting. Uggh.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

What Are You Thankful For?

So, my husband was inspired by the Cool People Care website back in November to create a monthly list of things he is thankful for. I like reading his so much I decided that I should try my hand at creating a list. Thus, I give you Elizabeth's Thanksgiving in March list:

I am thankful for/that

1. Thanksgiving in March doesn't require massive amounts of cooking (though I do like me some cornbread dressing);

2. When Harper and Dylan are sitting on my chest and they decide to turn in circles and I happen to look up at the wrong time, their buttcracks don't smell like you might think cat buttcrack would smell;

3. Andy, who makes me laugh AND helps me figure out tricky sermon texts;

4. My dad, who, while perhaps being the most forgetful non-Alzheimer's patient out there, can remember the changes in the baby's heartrate from visit to visit;

5. My mom, who goes out to her car in the gym parking lot forgetting that she hasn't traded in her slip for her gym shorts...but even better is that she is able to laugh about it;

6. The crazy little girl in my belly who thinks that Mom's bladder = trampoline;

7. Krispy Kreme, which needs no qualifiers.

8. I walked outside today and my breath was nowhere to be seen...heck yeah, spring is on the way.

9. I am preaching on the morning we "spring forward," which means my sermon can be lame and only half the people will be there to hear it because they will have all forgotten to set their clocks;

10. I am blogging again and having fun with it!

Monday, March 03, 2008

Baby Class #1

Wednesday evening Andy and I attended the first of our six baby classes, or more formally, our Childbirth and Newborn Care Class. I have been looking forward to these for a while. Information makes me feel more comfortable and thus less likely to freak out. (The likelihood that I will freak out to some degree is still pretty good, but perhaps the severity of the freak out will be lessened.) So, my theory was that 12-hours of information and training would be a good thing.

Well, a funny thing happened: the information completely overwhelmed me! We have a “textbook” that is guiding our class and it was just too dang much for me to take in at one time. The teacher was great and the tone of the class was completely relaxed, but I got home and was all in a tizzy (post-Law and Order, anyway). I recognize that pushing an 8-pound being through a hole that I am not yet convinced is designed for that is a big deal, but I am pretty sure that I was inappropriately freaked out. I’ve got knots in my stomach even as I write about it.

Additionally, at the end of the class we began practicing our relaxation techniques. There was some guided meditation, some breathing (which, as you know, is always a positive), some muscle tensing and relaxing, and other such activities. We were sent home with the instructions to practice in the days prior to our next class with the idea being that the more familiar we are with these techniques when actual labor occurs we will be able to call up the skills more easily. So, naturally, I am now freaking out about not being able to do the relaxation techniques correctly and thus, not having them in my arsenal when I need them. I mean, seriously, what kind of overly anxious person am I? I need to relax about my relaxation techniques! What the hell?!?!?

I also learned some anatomical stuff that explains some pain I have been having and, somehow, learning the cause has made it worse. When a woman is pregnant the hormones in her body cause all the joints to loosen so that all the necessary parts are as flexible and malleable as they need to be when the baby comes. This is particularly true of the pelvis and the pubic bone (pubis). Well, I have been having some pretty rockin’ pain in the pubic bone. I asked the teacher about it and she informed me that the bone can become so loose that the two pieces actually start to pull away from one another and the cartilage (or whatever that is) that connects the two halves. In short, my dear, sweet daughter’s exit location hurts…a lot.

In light of all this I guess there are two options. One, I can ignore the book and the practicing and hope that the doctors just cut me open and take her out. (Honestly, this option looks pretty good right now.) Or, I can take baby steps (ha! baby steps) and take things as they come, concentrating only on what we have covered in thus far in class. I guess this is the option I should go with.

Maybe I should make an appointment with the therapist too.

Stupid Oven

Well, I had all these great things I was gonna write today (you know, stuff they'd be reading in high school class rooms in 25 years), but I burnt my finger on the dadgum muffin pan. Thus, the manifesto will have to wait. Bummer.