An Unexpected Letter Arrives

My clever daughter-to-be has somehow figured out how to get a letter to me. I thought y'all might be interested to know what she is thinking, so I figured I'd share the letter.

Dear Mom,

I’m bored. Do I seriously have to stay in here 12 more weeks? There is NOTHING to do in this ridiculous place.

It’s too dark to read. Besides, I don’t know how.

There isn’t room for a DVD player. Besides, how would I get the Netflix out of the mailbox?

There’s nobody to play board games with. Besides, there isn’t room to jump up and down and gloat like you do when you beat daddy. And really, that’s half the fun.

I know you are thinking boredom is an affliction of the privileged and there are plenty of ways to entertain myself, but I promise I tried everything before sending this letter.

I tried dancing, but I kept kicking something. Don’t know what it was, but it sure was in the way.

I tried singing, but I kept getting a mouthful of something that is definitely not water.

I even tried learning how to count, but I didn’t know where to start.

So, mom, you can see that I’m not really a whiner; I really have tried to find ways to have fun. But I have failed. It is now up to you. So, I have some suggestions as to ways life might be more fun for me as we continue on our journey together.

First, I really dig the swimming pool. I like to bounce around with you while you are in the water. Go ahead and start making sure one of those is available for when I come home. In the mean time, stay in that pool!

Second, shopping is fun! There is a little bit of light that comes through your belly button and I can see what you are perusing. If you feel me kicking, that means I like it and you should totally buy it. If I’m still, walk away. (FYI: bad decision on that shirt from Target. Good thing you had daddy to tell you that you looked like an old lady in it.)

Third, eat ice cream! Everything trickles down to me, as you know. The apples and bananas are all right, but, man, that ice cream rocks! I really like it when it comes from Marble Slab or Cold Stone, but I have only experienced that, like, once. So, come on, mom, let’s go get some!

I think if you focus on these three activities I might be able to endure life in the doldrums for the next couple of months. Just make sure you don’t let me down. Remember: swimming, shopping, ice creaming!

Love, Your Daughter

Oh, yeah. One more thing: could you kindly ask Harper and Dylan to stop jumping on me? We might as well let them know now who’s in control of this relationship.