Does This Baby Make My Butt Look Big?

If you know me, which I am pretty sure all of my many (5) devoted readers do, you know that I am pretty much a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl. Dressing up to me means shoes that don't have laces and maybe, maybe, mascara. If I'm in a skirt, someone is either getting buried or getting married. Point being: my clothes demands are pretty simple.

Having said that, I do like my clothes to, you know, fit. I figure if some poor El Salvadoran or Honduran slaved over my t-shirt for a whopping $1 a day there should be some quality involved. Well, they must give the maternity clothes to the beginners (you know, the 8-year-olds). I am quite serious when I tell you that if the situation doesn't soon improve I will soon move from being a jeans and t-shirt girl to a panties and t-shirt girl. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND PANTS THAT FIT AROUND MY BELLY...AND STAY UP? Yesterday I nearly had a breakdown when, in Target, I couldn't get the pants past my knees. Fortunately, a crisis was avoided when I noticed that someone had put size 4 jeans on a size, well, not 4 clothes hanger. (Seriously, should people who are old enough and responsible enough to have a baby wear size 4 clothes? I mean clearly there is a fundamental character flaw in anyone who could possibly fit into those pants!) The problem, I think, is that prior to getting pregnant I was between two sizes. This is no big deal when your pants come with belt loops. But when the only thing holding up the pants is a strange panel of stretchy material the size of Detriot, there are gonna be issues. I mean, the only other thing that I know that is that stretchy and that big (though with different dimensions) is a bungee cord...that certainly bodes well.

Sadly, this entry has no positive resolution (unless you are a sadist and find joy in the fact that I may soon be traversing the DC metro area with no pants on...at least I'll fit in). My only hope, dare I say it, might just be suspenders. Dear God, how did I get to this point? I'll be the pregnant Larry King or that Justin fella who cooked cajun food on Louisiana Public Broadcasting. Uggh.